I am not a violent man, yet I love violence. I love it!
I just received ‘The Best of Backyard Wrestling Vol. 5’ from Netflix. Being the admirer of violence that I am, I was mildly disappointed with it.
I have enjoyed wrestling since I was a kid and that concerned my mother. She said, “You know that’s not real, don’t you?”
Inside my 6-year-old head, thoughts of television were swirling. Jeannie on ‘I Dream Of Jeannie’ wasn’t real. Samantha on ‘Bewitched’ wasn’t real. Gilligan and the castaways was just a TV show, they aren’t real either.
“When they’re not fighting on TV, those guys are eating together and they’re probably good friends,” she added.
Still, the thoughts of reality and television were whirring around and I came to a conclusion. Superman wasn’t real and neither was wrestling.
“I know it’s not real, mom. It’s on TV,” I said.
My mother finally gave up the “wrestling is fake” argument when I started to reach puberty. She saw that there was no changing me. Although she never said anything, I’m sure she didn’t like me watching the NHL on ESPN just for the fights.
Whenever the local news warned, “Some viewers may be sensitive with our next story. The scenes are very graphic. Please be advised.” A line of flaming pit bulls couldn’t keep me away from the television screen. Whether it was someone getting hit by a truck, attacked by a mob, or a skydiver with a twisted foot from landing wrong, I was all over it.
After watching about five minutes of the backyard wrestlers, I decided that I didn’t need to see anymore of this. The production values were deplorable from multiple dubs and the producers of the DVD would only show clips from the backyard matches. But, I couldn’t turn away. Those people were hurting themselves for our entertainment with fluorescent light tubes, thumbtacks, fire, light bulbs, barbed wire, and sheets of plywood.
What makes them do it?
I couldn’t help but notice the overtones of homoerotic sadomasochism among some of the combatants as they were beating each other with leather belts. Is there something else going on with these crazy cats that they may not even be aware of?
There were even young ladies getting into these backyard rumbles. They were taking bumps that I wouldn’t dare take. One of these ladies was even power bombed through a sheet of particleboard with a flaming stop sign on it. Jesus Chrysler Dodge!
I must admit that some of these people came up with some great names and gimmicks. I liked “The Albino Sasquatch”. For some reason, a short, skinny guy wearing an all white outfit complete with a mask tickled me.
But my favorite was a tag team combination called ‘The Fudge Ranchers’. I’m laughing my ass off right now as I type this…
They had on jogging shorts that were two sizes too small, just like the kind that Freddie Mercury used to wear. They sported tie-dyed girlish tops with frilly collars and ruffles complete with cop sunglasses with mirrored lenses. And to top it all off, they were wearing cowboy boots!
They had me rolling!
Overall, I was disappointed with the DVD and I’m going to take the entire backyard wrestling series off my Netflix queue. One was just too much wasted time. I rather do that with another bad movie from The Rock.
Again, the invitation to be Netflix buddies is here… firstname.lastname@example.org