Thursday, November 30, 2006

Weezer 'Make Believe'


On Tuesday afternoon, I took my niece Chloe to her first movie theater experience. We saw Happy Feet and it was perhaps the worst movie that I have ever seen.

My friend and frequent commenter to this here blog Christine told me that I should take her to that awful penguin movie instead of Flushed Away. I was told that she would better understand Happy Feet than the more sophisticated Flushed Away. I agreed… Reluctantly.

When I called Christine to let her know just how bad a flick Happy Feet was… I got nothing but cigarette soaked laughter from her end of the phone call.

She told me that there was singing involved in the flick where all the penguins find their “heart songs”. But the songs weren’t written to perpetuate the dialogue… The songs were ones that we all know and love. I can only remember three tunes, “Kiss” (Prince), “In My Room” (The Beach Boys), and “Somebody To Love” (Queen).

When the songs are part of the dialogue, that’s the crap that drives me crazy. One of the big reasons why I don’t like musicals. I don’t break out in song during my conversations and I don’t expect my movies or plays to do so either.

Here’s a list of a few things that I’ve never seen all the way through…

The Grinch That Stole Christmas (the TV special and film)
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (the stop motion TV special)
Frosty The Snow Man

And just about every Disney film ever made.

Even as a kid, as soon as a character broke out in song in either a film or cartoon I was out. I was Jack Kerouak gone, baby!

My mother once took my two sisters and me to see Pinocchio at the movie theater. As soon as the first song broke out, I told my mother that I was headed to the bathroom. I decided that sitting out in the lobby was a better deal than watching a cricket and a wooden boy sing their dialogue. She came out to check on me and made me go back inside the auditorium to finish that awful movie.

Happy Feet preys upon the storyline feed to us by the wonderful film, March Of The Penguins. Every penguin has a heart song and when you’re looking for a mate that will draw you in for life. The baby penguins know their mother’s song and all that crap… blah, blah, blah.

Penguins are breaking out into songs all over the place. Except one… Mumbles. Mumbles can’t sing, but the little joker can tap dance like Gregory Hines. And his “happy feet” end up saving the fish for him and his kind in Antarctica.

Chloe liked it, but she started to get bored with it after we passed the 100-minute mark. I asked her if she wanted to go and thankfully she did. I was out of there so fast that they had to call the fire department to put out my flaming tracks. Hell, I was ready to leave during the first ten minutes!

Yesterday afternoon, I watched a film that I had taped a few weeks ago on the Turner Classic Movie channel. It’s called Electra Glide In Blue and it stars Robert Blake.

Blake plays a motorcycle cop by the name of John “Big John” Wintergreen. He dreams of becoming a Homicide Detective and “think” for a living instead of riding around acquiring calluses on his ass. Wintergreen is a former Marine who did a tour or two in Vietnam. He does everything by the book and offers no favors. He finally gets his big break working a homicide case and finds out that all the answers are being spoken to him if he will just listen to the voice inside himself.

Electra Glide In Blue is an updated western where the horses are traded in for motorcycles and the good guys still wear white hats. There are guns and violence against hippies in the film. Good stuff! There is even a motorcycle chase featuring a former member of the rock group Chicago, Peter Cetera! (?)

The film is the first and only one by director James William Guercio. He wanted the cinematographer from Cool Hand Luke and Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid so bad that he reduced his salary to one dollar to keep the film within budget.

It’s a beautifully shot film with a great story. Although I’m not giving anything away, the film closes with one of the greatest closing shots that I have ever seen.

RENT THIS MOVIE!

I purchased the DVD yesterday from Amazon and I immediately gave it 5 stars on Netflix.

Don’t forget those patches for my ass….

Eugene’s Ass
C/O Rock 92
192 E. Lewis St.
Greensboro, NC 27406


And I forgot to mention this… Patches will not be returned.

4 comments:

  1. Christine9:18 PM

    Four words for you - 'Phantom of the Paradise'

    Now suck it up already. I'd call 'Happy Feet' meager payback for some of the truly god-awful dreck you've made me sit through over the years.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Man, I have tried to post this like 3 times.. and it keeps getting lost somewhere after I hit the Publish button. I hape there is some way you can edit it out if it somehow ends up showing up madd times.

    Finally, someone who feels the same way about musicals I do! I hate them for the very same reason.. people don't sing stuff in real life, so don't sing it in movies. If I ever hear someone in McDonald's singing about how they can't decide between the Big Mac and the Quarter Pounder, there may be a breakout of random violence.

    I can count the musicals I like on just over half of one hand... and no, "Phantom of the Paradise" is not one of them. If I had a Netflix account, I'd give it -5 stars.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous7:49 PM

    Eugene, Off topic, but different and fitting the season:

    http://maverick.com/familyforce5/med/video/ff5_grandma_300.asx

    Glenn

    ReplyDelete
  4. If I actually had this patch, you would be receiving it in the mail.

    ReplyDelete