Monday, February 26, 2007

Blur 'Blur'

I was reunited with my truck Roxy today and it feels so good! The folks at Ciener-Woods Ford took great care of Roxy and me. My thanks go out to Ed Woods, John, and the rest of their staff. I don’t know if it’s because of the new engine (the old one may have settled within 5 years), but Roxy rides just like a brand new truck. The handling is a little different, in a very good way. I actually wanted to hug her when I saw her, but I figured it would creep out the service guys out too much if I started to lay across her hood and caress her. Instead, I just told her how great it was to be back behind her wheel again as I drove her back home.

Don’t get me wrong, it was great driving that 2007 Ford Explorer Sport Trac, but I really had to be more careful with it. After all, it’s not mine. I actually had to drive safer than my usual driving style. I treated that baby like it was gold.

Saturday night, I went to see some Freestyle Motocross at the Greensboro Coliseum with Kristina, her mom Ann, and her step dad Miles. This type of event was all very new to me. I knew those daring cats on mechanized pallbearers would do some crazy sh*t, but I didn’t expect them to do it on the cement floor of the Coliseum.

I walked into the arena and was shocked to see absolutely no dirt on the floor of the joint. There were 2 ramps set up for jumps, some moto-obstacle course stuff, and the Canon Lady’s vehicle. I started to tell one of the ushers how the night seemed full of injury promise and he asked, “What are you...? One of them sadists?”

He looked like a just heated up, fresh from the grave Paul Lynde with bad teeth and he pronounced “sadist” like “sad-ist” instead of “say-dist”.

I said, “Look man… If those jokers are willing to risk their lives for my entertainment, knowing full well of the compound fracture or the fatal consequences, I will enjoy the injuries. I don’t want anyone to die. If it happens, it happens and that’s more bang for my buck.”

The crowd gathered that night wasn’t as vocal or appreciative as Kristina and family thought they should be. Kristina even said, “What’s up with these people? They’re very docile. They aren’t making any noise.”

They hail from California where Motocross rules. Outdoor stadiums are usually sold out for events like the ones we attended. The Left Coast folks cheer and carry on like drunken Frat boys at a titty-bar when maniacs fly their motorcycles through the air. Kristina and her family were clapping their hands like seals and making more noise than 3 lawn mowers combined. They were having a good time and loving it.

As for me, it was all right. It was cool to see those guys jumping their bikes and doing mid-air tricks, but there were no crashes. Kristina even pointed out the fact that the riders weren’t doing the CRAZY stuff because there wasn’t any dirt layered on the Coliseum floor. As a matter of fact, we only got 6 total back-flips from one rider. The riders weren’t really going to take too many chances without the added protection of some red Mother Earth underneath them. And I don’t blame them.

I got tickled when one rider gave a shout out to the Hooter’s girls in the audience and he then proclaimed that he would be at Chester’s Gentleman’s Club after the show. He even dropped the Chester’s name a second time when he spoke after his final stunt display.

So where do you think we ended up after the event? You guessed it.

Jermaine and Glenn up at the Carlisle Club thought it was funny that two women were trying to talk me into going to a topless bar. Once Miles agreed with them, I was odd man out and we ended up in Chester’s a short time later looking at some naked ladies while Ann was looking for the motocross freestyler. I’m telling ya, those motocross guys are like rock stars to them.

It seems that Ann doesn’t have a high opinion of gentleman’s clubs and her mood change about them Saturday night was a rarity. Kristina told me that we should take full advantage of Ann’s mood and hit Chester’s.

We got to Chester’s and I was surprised about the club’s size. From the outside, I just expected it be much larger than it is. There were barely dressed women all over the place and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

If you dig gentleman’s clubs, then that’s fine by me. I’m not judging anyone. They’re just not for me. I feel uncomfortable when a woman is dancing around naked in a seductive manner when I’m going to sleep with her. It doesn’t feel right to me. When I’m at a club like that, I’m generally looking the dancer in the eyes instead of checking out every visible inch of her flesh.

Now give me a stack of adult magazines and DVD’s and I can keep myself busy all day long! It’s just a different story when there’s real life interaction.

I suppose now that I’ll have to turn in my “Man Card”, huh?

I love the female form! Women in all shapes, sizes, and colors are beautiful to me. I just don’t like ogling them as they parade around in exchange for money. I see most men there and they’re practically drooling idiots passing out bills.

Do I think it’s wrong?

No. Because I believe that you have the right to do with your body as you please. If men are stupid enough to slip lots currency into your thong, then you should take full advantage of them.

Do I think going to a Gentleman’s Club is wrong?

No. You’re free to do whatever you want.

Simply put… It’s just not my scene.

When I was dating a girl named Allyson, I always joked about going to topless bars because it irritated her slightly. Then when my birthday came around, she told me that we were going to dinner and hitting a Gentleman’s Club. She told me that she was a little curious, but I came clean and told her about uncomfortable they made me. We didn’t go.

Okay… The “Man Card” is in the mail.

A couple of notes of interest…

One dancer was on the stage for her routine and I noticed that she may have been as old as me. She appeared to have a few miles on her. They announced her name as “Chevelle” and I leaned over the table to tell Kristina, Ann, and Miles that she looked like the ’67 model.

Ann was quite taken with one of the bald bouncers that she even offered HIM money for a hug. I could tell from the expression on his face, it was the first time that had happened.

And I wish I could remember one performer’s name because she was AWESOME on the pole. She very much lacked the two attributes that most of the women have there at Chester’s, but she was captivating. She worked that pole like a Cirque de Soleil performer. She was so damn good in fact, I even forgot that she was very much naked. She was doing stunts like those Freestyle Motocross guys, and she did it without a helmet.

As for the rider showing up, I think one of them was there, but no one was sure. We hit the Waffle House on Big Tree Way and called it a night.

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