Friday, February 09, 2007
Sex Police 'Second String'
It amazes me how you can have a problematic thing going on in your life and within a day, something comes along and takes your mind off it. It may not be the answer to your problem, but it starts looking a whole lot better than the actual problem. I love that kind of stuff!
Anyways… I met my friend Christine for lunch today. We met at the place that serves the best pizza in the Triad, Bill’s Pizza Pub on High Point Road in Greensboro. I’ve got nothing against Papa John’s (can’t eat 6 hours before bedtime or I get awful acid indigestion) or the readers of GoTriad Magazine (after all, they voted my blog the Best in the Triad), but why are folks overlooking Bill’s Pizza?
When I was a teenager and playing crappy rock n’ roll with Jonathan Everett and Tracy Thornton every day during summer vacations from Northwest Guilford, we hit Bill’s Pizza Pub (the old location on Battleground) every damn day. We would either buy our own one topping pie for 6 bucks or go in on one. We dreamed of hitting it big and having our relatives overnight Bill’s Pizza (it’s DAMN good cold) to us somewhere on the road. Bill’s Pizza Pub was the place!
Why has everyone seemingly forgotten about Bill’s Pizza?
As Christine and I sat there chewing the fat and eating our super-delicious pepperoni pizza, I noticed an attractive woman putting her money into the jukebox. Within a few seconds of hearing her first selection, her attractiveness went away. I was fighting the urge to yell, “STEP AWAY FROM THE JUKEBOX!”
She played some awful tune by Michael Jackson. I remember hearing it during my run at Peaches Music & Video, but the title was escaping me. I thought that it could have easily been something by Bobby Brown. It had that “I’m a crappy R&B song from the 80’s where ALL 80’s R&B sounded the same” kind of sound.
When she looked up, our eyes met. Even if she were compelled to do me in the bathroom right then and there with our bodies finding pleasure together in the most animalistic ways known to human kind, I’m sure my eyes gave her the idea that I can’t go for that, no can do. With the Michael Jackson tune filling the ear holes of everyone in the building, I’m pretty sure that I was the only one with a disgusted look on their face.
Imagine this face in the mirror…. Pass a cat box that hasn’t been emptied for over a week under your nose. That could have easily been the look on my face.
The now not-so-attractive woman didn’t stop there… Oh no! She followed that horrible tune with “Black Or White”.
Thankfully that was it from her and no more tunes were played on the jukebox during our lunch visit.
I’m guessing that the lady is probably leading a very lonely life with her Michael Jackson CD collection, Precious Moments figurines, and other trinkets of arrested development.
As many people have said about me over the years, it’s a damn shame and such a terrible waste.