Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Stratocruiser 'Mod Guitar Christmas'

I did some Christmas shopping today. I really don’t like shopping for anything during the holidays because the lines are long and generally folks are rude. But I had to get some gift cards for grandparents and my father. I also picked up a much needed item… A DVD called KISSology Volume 3.

It took me an hour to hit 3 stores for the various items and it was really painless. I hit Wal-Mart for a gift card for Grandma Pence and my KISSology DVD.

I don’t like the fact that KISS puts out 3 different bonus disc versions specific to certain vendors. I weighed the options of bonus discs available and went with the Wal-Mart version. The bonus concert is the 1996 reunion show at Madison Square Garden. Since New York is KISS’ hometown, I felt like they would put out a little more energy for a better show.

I keep a slim glimmer of hope that one day I’ll spend my life with someone I truly love and that KISS will put out a KISSology containing all the bonus discs. I suppose time will tell. And if you’re a gambler, put your money on the KISSology collection.

Overall, my shopping experience was very pleasant. I still have some nieces, sisters, and brothers-in-law to shop for… And I have no idea what to get them.

Here’s a picture of the t-shirt that I got Chloe for Christmas…

I’m sure her mother/my sister will simply love it. Hey… Someone has to school her in cool, right?

--It seems that a couple of my friends are interested in finding out why I dislike the holidays so much. They want to get to the “root” of it all and they’re not amused that I have dissed just about every Christmas movie or special.

Yes… I know Christine… That every one of those things don’t have musical numbers in them. I’ve never had the desire to see any of them. And now Christine is going to make me watch A Christmas Carol starring George C. Scott. Until I saw her daughter in a production last Sunday evening, I had never seen A Christmas Carol. Oh, I know the Happy Days version along with other sitcom takes on the classic, but I’ve never cared to see any true adaptation of it. I know the players and the basic storyline, but I just don’t care. Tiny Tim is hungry and walks with a bad limp… Blah, blah, blah.

I will try my best to let you know what I don’t like about the holidays…

First of all, I don’t like surprises. I don’t like being put on the spot with expressing my “love” for an item that I may not even want or need.

Secondly, I don’t like the traffic during this time of year.

Thirdly, I don’t like all of the love flowing from out of the people around me. Parking lots are basically fist fights waiting to happen (a Jeff Kay-ism) even though they pretend to love their brothers during this time of year.

Today at Wal-Mart, I went to the checkout and said to the cashier, “Hey. How ya doing?”

The guy didn’t even so much as fart. I guess his badge reading that he’s been in Wal-Mart service for 10 years didn’t include a congeniality award.

When I was leaving the checkout I said, “You have a great day.”

Nothing back. Not even a “thank you”. So I thought to myself that Wal-Mart must be doing their part by hiring a mute.

Fourth on that list… I’m generally lonely during the holidays. Sure, there’s plenty of family to hang with, but I have no kids or anyone special. The Christmas holidays are portrayed as a time to share with that special person. It just feels like everyone around me is so happy and basking in the spirit of love. I get the feeling that if someone were to leave a fecal deposit on a merry person’s doorstep… They would be greeted at the door with a gift wrapped box, invited in for some eggnog, and handed keys to a new Lexus.

Sorry… I didn’t mean to get all heavy on you. But some folks want to know why I don’t like this time of year and you got it. Unfiltered and straight like a warm shot of Jim Beam.

Now if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to take a warm nip from my 1.75 liter bottle of Jim Beam. The one holiday treat that I can count on.


  1. Despite all her objections my mother gave me a Kiss t-shirt when I was in 7th grade. It was on my Christmas list.

  2. Bless her heart!

    Love for you won out over her hatred for KISS. Ahhhhh... The miracles of Christmas.