Monday, December 29, 2008
Various Artists 'Encomium: A Tribute To Led Zeppelin'
One of the best things (and I’m being sarcastic here) about Christmas is being able to spend lots of time with all your relatives in a house. To me, it’s like having my back massaged with a ‘78 Buick.
My parents have become the most painful part of the holiday season. They’re in the their mid-sixties and the ears aren’t working like they used to. It’s no fault of their own… They’re just getting old. But pride is at work and they refuse to see a hearing specialist because a hearing aid is the ultimate scarlet letter for those trendy folks over 60.
Oh sure, they can wear pants pulled up to their clavicles… Wear bedroom slippers to the Walgreen’s… Hearing aid?
You can forget it like Vanilla Ice’s ‘Cool As Ice’ soundtrack album!
So my trendy parents scream at each other like Howler monkeys armed with bullhorns. They haven’t gotten to the red-faced, vessel popping stage yet… But they’re close. Who knows… They may just skip that phase and rocket right to the multiple stabbing portion of the program.
They never say the other person’s name to gain their attention and then start speaking.
It’s kind of goes like this…
“mumble mumble unintelligible mumble,” says my father.
My mother sits and stares elsewhere with no acknowledgement until she feels the cold hard gaze coming from my father’s eyes. “Did you say something, dear?” she asks.
“I SAID,” my father rumbles. “BARACK OBAMA WANTS TO MAKE FOOD PASTE FROM ABORTIONS TO FEED THE HOMELESS!”
Her retort is just as loud and with their thirty-five seconds of dialogue you’re amongst the Constanzas from Seinfeld.
Oh, it’s good times indeed.
It got me to thinking… They need a way to communicate without shouting their vocal chords into a concrete wall like tornado tossed straw. They find it difficult to say the other person’s name to get their attention first, so why not make it a little more fun?
The Nerf Ball of Communication to the rescue!
Just toss it to the other person to get their attention. No one gets hurt, nothing gets broken with the smaller soft indoor ball, other county residents won’t be partied to the conversation, and it’s fun to throw at the other person.
I think it can work.
That’s a quick update for today. Thanks for checking in. Tomorrow I’ll try to tackle the new “F” word among uptight mothers. Any guesses as to what that word is?
Use the comments to make your guess.
I wanted to leave you with Duran Duran's version of "Thank You", but I didn't find a suitable YouTube vid... Here's my second favorite cut from today's musical choice by the creamy and delicious Sheryl Crow. Enjoy.