Saturday, March 07, 2009

Neverland 'Neverland'

Has a month actually passed since my last update??

With a busier than normal schedule resulting from changes around me beyond my control (or knowledge for that matter) along with nothing happening worth writing about will allow a month to pass. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did.

I appreciate the emails, phone calls, and even text messages. It warms my dark little heart to know that folks appreciate the brain seepage that I call a blog. I may not have anything that actually “matters”… It’s just great to know there are a few of you out there that actually get a smile or chuckle from Too Dangerous For Daylight.

I just wanted to say thanks.

Now to the BS…

I’ve been “babysitting” the board at Majic 94.1 from 5:30am to 10am on the weekdays. It’s been my job just to do traffic and weather updates. Nothing more. And if I did more… Lets just say that I received a little micromanaging critique.

When I’m holed up in a room for four hours playing songs older than 99.9% of the vehicles out on the roads today I will look for distractions. What greater distraction than the box that sits in just about radio broadcasting booth around the globe?

The television.

I’ve discovered more things about morning television than I ever wanted to know. Getting out of bed and showering at an ungodly hour five days a week will give you a quick education.

Here’s my breakdown on things…

WXII has the eye candy for those bloodshot peepers rolling off the pillows, but seems to lack substance… Or something. I’ll admit to watching for a little Kimberly Van Scoy, The Duc, and the rapping traffic girl. I like Austin Caviness even though he lacks the grace and beauty of the ladies. I just can’t put my finger on why I don’t dig channel 12. Since they’re in Winston-Salem, it may just be a Springfield / Shelbyville kind of thing.

WFMY / channel 2 is the local broadcasting equivalent of Prince. They’re throwing a bunch of words at you to make it seem that channel two is the be all, end all of local television. They’re WFMY News 2 sometimes. Other times, they’re WFMY News 2 Get Answers. I’ve heard rumors that they’re considering to add even more to that banner… “WFMY News 2 Get Answers with a side of Ranch” to appeal to even more viewers. In my opinion, they’re like the network they’re affiliated with. WFMY is like uptight grandparents that possess no zest for life. They’re staunch, boring, and make me want to change the channel. Although I must say that Tracy McCain is a frakkin’ doll!

Fox 8 WGHP has it going on… But I do have complaints about them. Fox 8 is always pushing their programs onto you as if they’re news stories. American Idol and the happenings on that show aren’t news. And for those that do care about American Idol, I’m sure they’re watching that crap already. Those viewers have no need for recaps from Cindy and Brad the morning after. Bottom line: programming isn’t news.

Fox 8 caused me to start laughing my ass off just before my traffic/weather update around 7:50am yesterday. It took me a few good minutes to get my bearings and keep my laughter in check…

Fox 8 were promoting “colon awareness” all morning long with Shannon Smith doing updates from a doctor’s office somewhere in the Triad. I wasn’t really paying attention because I was already aware of my colon. You see, getting up at 4am wrings my guts like a trash compactor. It’s like there’s a little man living in there and when his sleeping schedule is thrown outta whack… He evacuates everyone and everything out of the building.

Since I didn’t have the sound turned up, I didn’t know they were going to top off the morning with a visual stroll through some old bag’s colon.

That’s right!

They had a split screen going on with a doctor and assistant (perhaps a nurse) standing over an old lady resting on a table as one visual while the other gave us a view of some sort of pink alien caverns.

The doctor was feeding a tube into the patient while wearing a small windshield over his face and that tube had a camera at the end of it. The alien caverns were the inside of that old bag’s colon!

It looked something like this...

Yeah boy! They were squirting liquids to hose down the walls of that woman’s rectum and colon! It was all pink inside and you could see the blood vessels inside the colon walls. Seeing it on the morning news was so sick and strange for me to see that I could do nothing but laugh like a nervous hyena.

But that wasn’t enough for Fox 8... Oh no!

To make my Friday morning even more surreal… Twenty minutes later the Fox 8 morning news air staff were outside in the parking lot playing round ball with ACC team mascots.

Fox 8 always seems to make the mornings interesting. I would have never envisioned a morning topped off with a colon squirt and mascot basketball.

They deserve some sort of an award. Thank you Fox 8.

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