Thursday, January 29, 2009

Various Artists 'Summer Sampler 2000'

I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel with blog topics these days. There’s just not a whole lot going on around me worth writing about. There’s no one irritating me at the moment, I don’t give a damn about fawning over our new President, and I don’t have a new hairdo.

If I’m not working at my part-time gig down in Lexington (more on that later), then I’m hanging out at home to hold on to my money. It’s when I’m out of the house that things happen to me worth writing about… Rode around in the backseat of someone’s car sucking on Jagermeister while we did clockwise laps around the Paper Moon parking lot to find a spot to park… I don’t dare tell you more about the evening. I sparingly gave out a few tips here and there, but I didn’t give up too many greenbacks.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, it’s wrong to keep my dinero clutched in my hands. I know how the economy works. Flowing money is the blood that circulates around the body of this country. When the money blood flow stops percolating, the body isn’t getting all it needs. Things wither and die. And that’s just what we’re seeing now with thousands of layoffs across the country.

That’s also the problem… I’m not working full time and I don’t have any idea when I’ll be contributing to the economy again. I need the full time backing from an employer to commit my fair share of disposable income to the beer/liquor industry, the movie industry, and the music industry. With the money I’ve tossed into the beer/liquor sector, there should be no layoffs at the breweries or Jim Beam Distillery until at least June.

Ready for some sad news?

I haven’t a drop of alcohol in almost two weeks.

Yep. That’s right. No booze has passed through my lips since Monday, January 19th.

I thought I would get some kind of health benefit from it, but I haven’t noticed yet. But I must say that going to the Twin City Cyclones hockey game last Friday night was a lot cheaper than my previous trip. The only thing out of my pocket was the dinner before hand. So there’s that… No booze is easier on my pocketbook.

I like beer. As a matter of fact, I love beer. I love the many types of beer. I love the smells. I love the tastes. If you filtered beer through a cat’s sphincter, I don’t think it would phase me one bit. I’d wash that allergy pill down with the largest Stroh’s I can get my hands around.

I haven’t really missed the alcohol, but I do like holding on to my money just a little bit longer. So I can totally understand why everyone isn’t spending like they used to, but sadly… It affects us all and this ride isn’t going to be over anytime soon.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Stratocruiser 'Revolutions (ADVANCE COPY)'

I found myself thinking about an accusation made against me years ago while ripping my Stone Temple Pilots CD to my Zune player… I noticed that the album ‘Purple’ was released in 1994. I also ripped Stickboy’s ‘Sings My Songs’ and Stratocruiser’s ‘Revolutions (ADVANCE COPY)’ CD’s released 2001 and 2006 respectively.

The accusation against me?

I never bought or listened to anything from the 1990’s.

I felt that the accusation was false. I still feel very much the same today. The first paragraph is proof positive that my listening tastes grew past the teased hair of the 80’s and the glitter of the 70’s. There’s also evidence in my collection with compact discs by Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Collective Soul, Silverchair, Blind Melon, Radiohead, Foo Fighters, Primal Scream, and Bush.

I must admit something… For the most part of the 1990’s, I felt that the music being churned out just downright sucked. Hard rock (my favorite genre) was still there, but it was being packaged as “Alternative”. The only differences were all the tattoos and piercings along with the lack of whammy bars or tremolo arms on the guitars.

And who can forget, the 1990’s spawned the Honda Civic of tattoos… The tribal armband. They made everyone very special.

It was a great time of revolution that made my eyes roll. And if you don’t realize it, I’m being a bit sarcastic.

The musical artists that I loved were being tossed out of the business like used cat litter. And for what?

Dirty hair, tattoos, misdirected angst, and heroin?

I don’t mind being of accused of anything that’s true, because in the majority of those cases I will own up to it. But when I’m falsely accused of something, it will eat and eat on me until that buzzard gets to the bone.

Oh sure… I’m a guy that grew up dining on the musical feast that were the 70’s and 80’s. Some of the CD’s from that era will always be a part of my diet and they’ll never go away. Those days were carefree and fun with little responsibility. It wasn’t unusual for me to buy an LP once a week (later to be replaced by the latest in technological advances).

I spent most of my 90’s working for Capitol Records at a distribution facility where I received ass loads of free music. The money I made went elsewhere unless an artist’s music caused me to plunk down 18 bucks for a CD. Sometimes I had a choice… The new White Zombie or eating for a couple of days. Paying the cable bill or picking up the new Monster Magnet.

I usually went with the responsible route to keep my stomach from growling and paid my bills. The monthly allotment of Capitol releases kept me in music and raised a monster of a collection.

So why does the accusation bother me?

After spending yesterday’s last waking minutes thinking about it… I took it as an affront to my age. I took it as an attack on my sophistication and good tastes. It was a unfair criticism directed towards me with a hint of malice.

Oh well… Thanks for letting me exorcise that tiny little demon. I feel good enough to go online and purchase a KC & The Sunshine Band digital album from the Zune Marketplace. They were a great band that were more than their singles.

Screw you, Linkin Park and Korn!*

* Two 90’s bands I didn’t like very much. The singer for Linkin Park is more of a whiner (makes him able to hit the higher notes… Like Boyz II Men) than a singer and no one ever told Korn that rap/hard rock hybrids just don’t work.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Stickboy '...Sings My Songs'

What was the strangest text message you ever received? Was it by someone you don’t know?

I got one last Thursday around 7:30pm. Here’s what it said…

“Hey its andrew are car got robbed”

My first thought was to correct the Andrew’s spelling, but I quietly let it pass. Andrew sent me another message a few minutes later that had a bunch of “FWD’s” in front of this…

“this is andrew our car got stolen make sure to lock your doors”

It seemed to me that this Andrew had my number in his phone. I don’t know any Andrews except one… My cousin Andy. And I know that he doesn’t have my number. Hell, he doesn’t even really keep in touch with the rest of his family.

A thought occurred to me… What if this Andrew calls me up in the middle of the night?

I decided to send Andrew a text back…

“Thank you for the warning and I’m sorry that your car was stolen. But I have no idea who you are.”

What do you think that joker did?

He called me.

I sent him straight to voicemail to give him a clue, but he called again. I didn’t answer and I haven’t heard anything from him since. Perhaps I should keep his number and give him “silence” as a ringer.

--As some of you may know, I’m a sucker for just about any 3D film. I saw My Bloody Valentine 3-D with Jamie on the Sunday of its opening weekend.

I’ve never seen the original (nor do I want to) and I’m still having problems understanding what a homicidal miner has to do with Valentine’s Day. The guy just goes berserk seemingly because some high school kids want to venture into the mines while consuming large amounts of alcohol. You know… One of those cautionary tells of some bad things happening to folks because they’re doing “bad” things.

The cinematography was too dark for all of the 3D effects to be truly stunning. Oh there were some cool things… Especially with the fully naked woman running around for five minutes or more, the pickaxe through the windshield, and the eyeball seemingly poking through the screen. But the movie substantiated my belief that underwater and horror films don’t make good 3D flicks.

My one sentence review on Netflix… “The 3D effects were the only things that gave this film any depth.” I gave it 2 out of 5 stars.

If you’re a fan of 3D movies, it’s worth a look. But if you want a story with decent acting, find something else.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Patti Rothberg 'Between The 1 And The 9'

Are you sick and extremely drained hearing about Barack Obama?

He has finally taken the oath and given the keys to the White House. Hooray!

Can we frackin’ move on now?

Everyone is so happy and optimistic about the guy and yet they forget about the problems that aren’t going away because Mr. Smiles has taken the reigns. I personally cannot wait until the blind followers won over by words like “Change” and “Believe” finally open up their eyes and realize that President Dimples hasn’t changed our world one iota.

Please keep in mind that I didn’t vote Republican… I’m one of those “wackos” that believes in smaller government, personal responsibility, and the freedom that the Constitution guarantees for all people of this great land. I’m a Libertarian and I cannot help finding myself amused how easily brainwashed the masses can be.

I woke up this morning and turned on the television for a little news and weather. And they’re still talking about President Snookie-Lumps… It seems that President Obama took his first morning dump in the White House after breakfast. Reports confirm that the Presidential bowel movement was solid and measured 8 and 7/16 inches. And they even quoted The Road To Wellville by saying that Obama’s bowel movement had “no more odor than a hot biscuit”.

Oh well… We should enjoy the party until someone yells last call. But I’m thinking the hangover is going to feel like all the rest of them.

And what was the deal with Aretha Franklin’s hat?

It looked like something from a bad 80’s situation comedy. I couldn’t help but wonder why a legend like Franklin would allow someone to place such a garish monstrosity upon her head and send her out in front of millions of people. But then again, she’s old and those blind followers are happy enough to wear their loud Obama shirts that would label any Jeff Gordon shirt too dim.

And another thing… Am I the only one on the planet that thinks that our new First Lady looked a little chunky in that golden dress?

After reading this, I’m fearing that my overabundant heterosexuality fuel gauge may be getting a little less cozy with the “F” and moving towards the “E” side.

What’s gotten into me?

Feel free to leave your witty comments. But I’m not asking Christine to go off on some tirade.

Got it girl?

--Now to more important matters.

What the hell is going on with my Netflix?

I get disc one of season four of Wild Wild West as I’m finishing up another series. I mailed off two discs after finishing them over the weekend and one of them was the Wild Wild West disc. So I’m expecting to get more of the Wild Wild West, but what do I get?

Discs one and two from season four of Gilmore Girls!

Wild Wild West is listed as available, but they didn’t send it. Oh well… I just moved the folks from Stars Hollow up the queue and placed them in front of James West and Artemus Gordon. No biggie. These things happen.

I sent back discs two and three of Gilmore Girls on Tuesday and what do you think they’re sending me for tomorrow?

Discs one and two of The Untouchables Season 2 Volume 2.

What in the hell is Barack going to do about that?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Memphis 'Cheap Poems'

All right. My truck has been inspected and I’ll be ready to renew my tags next month. I’m usually late about doing that too.

When the citizens of Guilford County only had one choice to get their tags renewed at Golden Gate shopping center, it was a Titanic pain in the ass. The line was usually out the door and onto the square sidewalk. The waits were long and patience was non-existent in the lines.

Once, I actually took a folding lawn chair and a magazine with me to make the wait in line more enjoyable. So every time the line moved forward, I could easily pull the chair along with me. It’s no fun to waste an hour on your feet during your day off, so that’s why I decided to make the best of it.

People in line thought it was a good idea. One older gent said that he wished he had brought his golf stool with him. But the folks behind the counter took it personally and usually made sure every T was crossed… Blah, blah, blah.

I wasn’t trying to make a statement about their service, because they couldn’t help being the only plate joint in town. I just did it because I didn’t like standing around in line for an excessive amount of time.

When they finally opened another joint in town over on West Market Street, it was great. The lines were usually short and still within the confines of the building. The wait generally took 5 minutes or less and I actually got my tags renewed on time because of it.

Over time, Guilford County has become a little more crowded and those waits can last up to 30 minutes with lines out the door at the West Market location. So getting my tags renewed has once again become a One Man Gang menace to my backside.

I just got the renewal form in the mail today and I’m toying around with the idea of forging ahead with the Internet renewal process. No waiting in lines. No wasting a good portion of an hour (yes, I’m aware that I have plenty of time on hand). And hopefully, it’ll all be Johnny Bench easy… No runs, no drips, no errors.

We shall see.

--Tonight is the beginning of “destroy someone’s life” television!

I’m talking about American Idol. Where they prop talented performers (and not so talented) up for the American public to ooh and ah over for ratings and revenue. And essentially, it’s just a steroid enhanced karaoke meat grinder for public consumption.

Kelly Clarkson has made her mark. Along with Carrie Underwood and Chris Daughtry (I’m predicting “sophomore slump” results on the next album because the material on the debut was weak at best and the public may wise up).

The others haven’t been so lucky with their 15 minutes of fame. Hell, I can’t even remember the name of the salt and peppered hair dude that won last year. The one that jerked around like a dancer with a debilitating muscle disease when he performed. His career fizzled out quickly along with the heavy black guy, the once closeted queen from Raleigh (like we didn’t know), and the not-so-pleasant to look at unwed mother from High Point.

They were ground up and used up. Chances are good that we’ll see them on the news or TMZ as they go down the “Dana Plato” path of destruction.

Oh sure… Everyone in America loves ‘em when they’re on TV, but as soon as cash money is expected for their recordings… Those jokers typically go down faster than baby seals in a Canadian village stocked with Louisville Sluggers.

So for you AI fans… Enjoy the carnage!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Richard Marx 'Paid Vacation'

I’ve noticed that traffic to my blog has gone down like a five dollar crack whore. I know what the problem is… I haven’t been updating like I should. To be quite honest, I haven’t had anything to write about. Life has been quietly moving without the usual amount of crazy interruptions that are worth writing about. Those things that annoy the ever-loving intestinal parasites out of me just aren’t happening anymore.

I’ll be going to get my truck inspected today. It was due in November and for some reason I hate getting it done. Oh sure, I’ve got all the time in the world to get it done, but it just seems so unnecessary and I don‘t like throwing thirty bucks at it. So pointless in fact that a study group for the North Carolina DMV deemed the inspection process unnecessary.

The state government has also decided to screw and confuse its citizens further by tying inspections and license plates together.

So like any good procrastinator, I chose to wait until there was a definite outcome. I didn’t want to spend the dinero on something that could be cancelled. But the inspection process is still in effect and I’m confused about how the plates are tied to it. I have so many questions about things that won’t even affect me.

Anyways… I’ve got an appointment for 3 this afternoon. I’ll drop Roxy (my truck) off and hoof it on down to Spring Garden Bar & Grill for a couple of brews along with a Chicken on the Ranch sandwich.

My last visit there was during the holidays and I found out that they no longer carry croissants. So sad. Because grilled chicken, bacon, cheese, and Ranch dressing tastes so frackin’ good on a croissant.

I’ll chase it down with a couple of Yuenglings and play a round of NTN Trivia.

They have the loudest bartender in the world there at the Battleground location. I can’t remember her name, but it sounds as if there’s a bullhorn lodged in her throat. She has that kind of super-loud voice that you can pick out of the crowd on KISS ‘ALIVE II’.

When she’s speaking in a normal voice, she has that sexy Brenda Vacarro thing going on. But when she needs to step up a notch, she’ll rattle planes out of the sky. So I’m kind of hoping for a nice quiet sandwich time during my inspection.

--I’ve also been keeping track of Robby Gordon’s daily progress in the Dakar Rally.

They moved it this year to South America because of terrorist threats. Why terrorist would screw with it is beyond me. Oh sure, I can see the occasional farmer out there waving a stick at SUV’s, ATV’s, and motorcycles as they zip past their frightened goats that won’t produce milk for a month because of the race. But shooting racers and crew members to prove a political point just doesn’t make sense to me. Oh well.

As of this writing, Robby Gordon’s Monster Energy Drink/Jim Beam Hummer is fifth overall.

They started the race on January 4th and it won’t be over until the 18th. Crazy.

Thanks for checking back and don’t forget to bookmark this beotch for time wasting purposes. It’s the coolest!

Okay… Maybe not.

--I'm not posting a video from Richard Marx because I wasn't that much of a fan. As you can see, I got today's musical choice when I was working for Capitol Records and I've never played it. So I don't even know if I have a favorite yet. Wish me luck!