Thursday, March 26, 2009

Tina Turner 'What's Love Got To Do With It'

I got to see Watchmen during its second weekend in the theaters and it was worth the 20 year wait. Yeah, I’m a geek… But ‘Watchmen’ was and is one of the greatest comics/graphic novels ever produced (the other would be ‘V For Vendetta’).

If you’d like to see how much of a geek I was about ‘Watchmen’, just check out my MySpace page. Look at the pictures of me hanging out with the staff of Rock 92 during the early days… Say around 1988 or so… I’m the “cute girl” in the denim jacket on the left that’s being kissed by “Boy Doug”.

Take a look at the area of my left lapel and you’ll clearly see a blood-streaked Comedian button… For those who do not know; a smiley-face button with a drop of blood over the right eye.

I forced Jamie to see it with me along and exposing her to all things geek. She enjoyed it enough that she’s now reading the book.

During our screening, Jamie’s cell phone rang. I leaned over to her and said, “If this were opening day… All kinds of stuff would be thrown at you.”

Comic geeks don’t fool around when it comes to film adaptations of their graphic heroes. When I went with my buddy Sean Whitley on opening day of the first Spider-Man flick, someone’s cell phone rang through the excited chatter going on in the auditorium.

“TURN OFF CELL PHONES!” shouted a group in the back. And this was before they darkened the joint to show trailers.

Of course someone else’s phone rang during the trailer extravaganza before the feature presentation and the geek group sounded bigger and even demonic with their throaty voices booming, “TURN OFF CELL PHONES!!!”

Thankfully for Jamie and I, there were only 2 other people in the 11am Sunday showing of The Watchmen. They must not have liked it, because during the last hour or so of the nearly 3 hour film, we had the auditorium to ourselves.

I loved Watchmen! It was nearly perfect and very true to the novel.

One unbelievably astounding complaint that I’ve heard and read about the film… “It’s too much like the book”

That just blows me away, ladies and gentlemen.

I gave it 5 out of 5 stars on Netflix. My only complaint was not seeing the retired second generation Night Owl kicking serious ass with his retired potbelly. I just found that funny while reading and viewing the book.

Oh well… My inner geek is extremely pleased with Watchmen.

After the film, Jamie and I paid our respects to the porcelain gods with golden streams of held water… And I found two things disturbing me at The Grande in Winston-Salem (off University Parkway near Highway 52) while she presented her offering…

The design of the place is crazy! The waiting and refreshment area is huge It has a very high ceiling. The bathrooms located across from the snack counter have no doors.

First thought that popped into my head… Can you imagine how many ass-plosions the counter staff hear per day?

There are lulls between screenings of all the films shown at those complexes. That area isn’t always teeming with activity and someone sometime during the day is going to have to offer all they have to those porcelain gods with great noise and praise.

It MUST be funny as hell!

The other thing that I found disturbing while waiting for Jamie… Why are teenage males trying to look like supermodels from the 1960’s?

There was this cat running around in a hat that looked like Pikachu was trying to swallow him, pegged jeans, and one of those stupid - STUPID! - Emo hairstyles where it looks like the back of your head blew off and your hair all went forward.

The kid had to be 14 or 15 and it was all I could do to keep from staring in disbelief. Because I know… I KNOW… If I were to take a picture of him that very moment and presented it to him twenty years later, he’d be one embarrassed thirty-something mofo.

Don’t we all have those types of pictures where we question ourselves about what the hell we were thinking?

My biggest problem wasn’t the Emo hairstyle that caused me to turn around so I could laugh under my breath (pegged jeans don’t bother me so much)… It was the Pikachu hat.

Again… He looked to be about 14 or 15 and WELL over the Pikachu age limit. His hairstyle and pegged jeans gave him that angst kind of look I’m sure he was going for, but the hat totally offset that.

I imagined him sitting with his skateboard in a police station waiting for his parents after getting busted for vandalism, shoplifting, or anything else kids get popped for looking like an overgrown six-year-old.

His friend looked like a normal guy… Jeans, t-shirt (I think it was a Doors shirt), jacket, along with a normal type of hairstyle. He looked like the kind of timeless teenager that won’t cower in fear when someone breaks out a photo album twenty years from now.

Oh well… There’s something to be said about the unintentional and mildly entertaining folks that walk by our everyday lives. I’m just not sure I know exactly what to say.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Soul II Soul 'Club Classics Vol. One: 10th Anniversary Edition'

I’m finally back to some kind of normalcy with my sleep schedule. I only have one thing bugging me though… Sleeping 9 to 10 hours almost every day. That’s just not the way I roll out of bed, unless I’m super tired. So I must be very tired for some odd reason or perhaps it’s my body’s way of saying, “Whoa! Lets not do that early stuff anymore.”

I am a night owl by nature. I’ve always been a creature of the night staying up past midnight and I’ve been that way since I was a little punk playing with small plastic army men.

I was watching The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson while other kids were dreaming about being the next Bruce Jenner or Dorothy Hamill. I’d be watching ABC Late Night reruns of Starsky & Hutch and Baretta as the rest of my family slept and made drool spots on their pillows.

Sometimes I have to turn against my night owl ways and conform to a different sleep schedule. And let me be honest here… I’ve always been a firm believer in getting at least 8 hours every night. So to keep with my 8 hour belief, I will rearrange my schedule to keep myself rested and from taking hostages at McDonald’s if they screw up by putting pickles on my Quarter Pounder. I can get quite ill if I don’t get at least 6 hours of sleep.

While I was the interim morning host on Majic 94.1 for a month, I was doing my best by going to bed around 8pm every night.

Even though I wasn’t the happiest of mofos when my REM sleep was being interrupted by an alarm clock… I was rested. My eyes may have screamed until red when I put in my contact lenses, but the bottom line saw them with 8 hours of rest and closed lids.

I will admit to sucking down more than my fair share of hi-octane coffee until 9am because it just seemed necessary. My body kept saying, “What are you doing up at this hour?” And if that weren’t enough, the little man that lived in my guts felt it necessary to purge the contents every single early morning.

That’s just not my routine.

For years, I’ve always read articles about staying on a sleep schedule and it always made sense to me. So even on the weekends, I would stick to the same type of schedule with a few modifications. I would stay up to 9 or 10pm and get up at 5am. I felt by keeping that type of weekend schedule, I would be deprived of a few hours and ready to crash at 8pm like a bandicoot.

It worked.

I came to the realization that Elaine Bennis’ theory on old coots like Mr. Seinfeld (Elaine called for late day meetings to make Jerry’s dad quit J. Peterman because old guys are up before dawn and crash in the mid-afternoon) was dead on correct. Around 3 or 4pm every day… I found it very difficult to keep my eyes open and my mood good. On the weekends, I found that time of day a great time to take a nap in case I was going to have a late night. Like the night I went to see Johnny Winter at the Carolina Theatre.

The biggest drawback from going to bed at sunset and getting up before those fabled early birds was missing all my favorite television programs. I’m still behind on Medium (2 episodes), Burn Notice (6 episodes), Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (3 episodes), Leverage (3 episodes), and The Office (1 episode).

The only show that I damn well made a point of keeping up with… Lost. The current season may be seeing the lowest ratings of its run, but I feel compelled to write that it’s the best season and has kept me jonesing for the next week’s episode.

Thank Allah for being able to watch episodes online!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Orange Nicole 'Orange Nicole'

I haven’t really been shouting about my mornings at Majic 94.1. I’ve been doing weather and traffic updates there since Bob & Wendy were let go. Nothing more than that… And if I ever let some of my personality come across in any of those updates, I would hear about it.

So with that being said… It’s no fun getting up at 4am to run a board at a radio station when you can’t be creative or actually try to have fun. It becomes a chore rolling out of bed, taking a shower, slapping some contacts into tired eyes, and driving 47 minutes to work.

If I were allowed to be creative and/or have fun during the mornings, then it wouldn’t be such a bitch.

Oh well… Just another bump in my road to world domination.

Every jock in radio needs one important tool… A pair of headphones.

When you cut on a microphone, everything else goes silent and the only way to monitor what you’re doing is to wear a set of “cans” over your ears.

Some folks go all out with their particular tools of the trade. I’ve seen people spend some damn good money on Sennheiser or Sony professional headphones. I just can’t seem to bring myself to pull that trigger.

I’ve got the same headphones that I purchased back in 1986 with my first fully digitally recorded compact disc.

Yep! I was so thrilled to purchase Judas Priest’s ‘Turbo’ on compact disc because not only was it going to be the first CD I ever owned. It was a digital recording!

I wanted to hear every possible thing that Judas Priest recorded on that album. I didn’t want to miss anything and the best way to hear all that digitally recorded goodness was to slap on some headphones. I wanted to hear the crispness up close. I expected to hear every nuance from K.K. Downing and Glenn Tipton’s guitars, stereo effects, and Rob Halford’s powerful vocals with a pair of Sony MDR CD10 headphones that I purchased for $19.99 plus tax.

Those “cheap” headphones have been with me for 23 years and they’re still working fine. I’ve even joked with other jocks that my “cans” should have a velvet rope around them because they can be considered antiques. The plastic covering that keeps the padding over the ears have cracked, but haven’t come off. Both the left and right work fine, so I feel no need to purchase another pair. They get the job done and hold up when I screw up a voice break and toss them harshly onto the console.

They were constantly borrowed at Rock 92/1075 KZL when other jocks forgot their headphones… Mainly Coup Delicious… I never worried about someone walking off with an expensive pair of headphones or leaving them somewhere kleptomaniacs gather.

They’re not the most comfortable things to wear… When I would sit in answering phones for Two Guys Named Chris or running the board for Murphy in the Morning, they would cause my ears to question why I haven’t replaced them with something better or softer. After about 2 hours of constant wear, those jokers made my ears a little sore.

They’ve been with me for so long, I couldn’t just turn to another pair when they were working fine. And besides, I didn’t really want to spend the dinero on another pair. If something is working fine for me, then I tend not to replace it.

Just the other day, I had a scare. My voice dropped out during a break. The first thought I had… “Are my headphones giving up the ghost?”

I tested them by shaking the cord around just in case there was a problem and found nothing. So I paid close attention to every voice break thereafter. It happened again. My voice dropped out, but the music bed was still in both ears. I found out the next day that the effects rack on the microphone was the culprit and I couldn’t have been happier. My old girl is still going strong!

Even though I don’t use them with my Zune or anything else, I decided that I’m going to continue using them until they give out. They’re still going strong and can take a beating. I find no reason to change up.

--And my pineapple fetish is still going strong! I loaded up with six 16oz cans to help me through the week!

Monday, March 09, 2009

19Wheels '5UGAR33N'

As I understand it, cravings are the body’s way of telling you something. That’s why dogs will eat cat turds from litter boxes… They’re craving something that can be found in a cat’s refuse. Oh sure, the feline species have been laughing their hindquarters off about it for centuries, but a dog eating cat cakes is something that should be taken seriously. All cravings should be taken seriously.

Last week I answered the craving calling and for the first time in my life (I’m 42 years old) I purchased fruit. This particular milestone made me feel lighter in my shoes… It made me happy.

I had been craving pineapple and so I dropped by my local Food Lion and found me some little prepackaged cups. It took awhile, but I managed to find some packed in pineapple juice without the sugar. I was pretty proud of myself. It was a bold step out of my usual line of the eating junk that will surely put me into an early grave.

Sure enough, there had to be one detractor during my personal triumph… A coworker had to rain on my own back-patting session by calling my cups of pineapple “processed”.

“You’ve seen pineapples, right?” I asked. “I’ll take processed pineapple over fresh every time. You need a Black & Decker just to get to the delicious meat of the pineapple. Who has that kind of time?”

I know I don’t and besides… I’m lazy when it comes to skinning and gutting a pineapple… As if I’ve done it. It just looks like something difficult to do while keeping fingers in tact.

I can’t seem to stop eating the stuff these days. I consume at least 2 of those processed cups everyday. I’m prepared to start buying 12-ounce cans of it by the case. I love the stuff so much that I’ve found myself passing fruit stands that aren’t on the way home.

I’ve been thinking about trying Pineapple Upside Down Cake for the first time… Eating a Hawaiian Pizza… Concocting a drink with pineapple juice and Jim Beam… And paying women to let me suck pineapple rings off their ass cheeks. I’m suddenly in the grips of some sort of pineapple madness. No other fruit has ever caused me to act this way… My raisin lust of the mid-70’s was just a phase. But this passion for pineapple feels like the real thing. I’m starting to think that pineapple may just very well be my soul mate of produce.

Just writing about it right now is causing my jaw a little pain and my saliva glands are working up a flood in my Jonestown of a mouth.

Screw it!

I’m cutting this update short and getting myself a cup of pineapple. It’s so delicious and loaded with potassium!

--I've finally joined the Twitter ranks. I wasn't too keen on the idea a year ago, but if I'm going to get my first justifiable homicide... I need a pool of stalkers to choose from, right?

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Neverland 'Neverland'

Has a month actually passed since my last update??

With a busier than normal schedule resulting from changes around me beyond my control (or knowledge for that matter) along with nothing happening worth writing about will allow a month to pass. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did.

I appreciate the emails, phone calls, and even text messages. It warms my dark little heart to know that folks appreciate the brain seepage that I call a blog. I may not have anything that actually “matters”… It’s just great to know there are a few of you out there that actually get a smile or chuckle from Too Dangerous For Daylight.

I just wanted to say thanks.

Now to the BS…

I’ve been “babysitting” the board at Majic 94.1 from 5:30am to 10am on the weekdays. It’s been my job just to do traffic and weather updates. Nothing more. And if I did more… Lets just say that I received a little micromanaging critique.

When I’m holed up in a room for four hours playing songs older than 99.9% of the vehicles out on the roads today I will look for distractions. What greater distraction than the box that sits in just about radio broadcasting booth around the globe?

The television.

I’ve discovered more things about morning television than I ever wanted to know. Getting out of bed and showering at an ungodly hour five days a week will give you a quick education.

Here’s my breakdown on things…

WXII has the eye candy for those bloodshot peepers rolling off the pillows, but seems to lack substance… Or something. I’ll admit to watching for a little Kimberly Van Scoy, The Duc, and the rapping traffic girl. I like Austin Caviness even though he lacks the grace and beauty of the ladies. I just can’t put my finger on why I don’t dig channel 12. Since they’re in Winston-Salem, it may just be a Springfield / Shelbyville kind of thing.

WFMY / channel 2 is the local broadcasting equivalent of Prince. They’re throwing a bunch of words at you to make it seem that channel two is the be all, end all of local television. They’re WFMY News 2 sometimes. Other times, they’re WFMY News 2 Get Answers. I’ve heard rumors that they’re considering to add even more to that banner… “WFMY News 2 Get Answers with a side of Ranch” to appeal to even more viewers. In my opinion, they’re like the network they’re affiliated with. WFMY is like uptight grandparents that possess no zest for life. They’re staunch, boring, and make me want to change the channel. Although I must say that Tracy McCain is a frakkin’ doll!

Fox 8 WGHP has it going on… But I do have complaints about them. Fox 8 is always pushing their programs onto you as if they’re news stories. American Idol and the happenings on that show aren’t news. And for those that do care about American Idol, I’m sure they’re watching that crap already. Those viewers have no need for recaps from Cindy and Brad the morning after. Bottom line: programming isn’t news.

Fox 8 caused me to start laughing my ass off just before my traffic/weather update around 7:50am yesterday. It took me a few good minutes to get my bearings and keep my laughter in check…

Fox 8 were promoting “colon awareness” all morning long with Shannon Smith doing updates from a doctor’s office somewhere in the Triad. I wasn’t really paying attention because I was already aware of my colon. You see, getting up at 4am wrings my guts like a trash compactor. It’s like there’s a little man living in there and when his sleeping schedule is thrown outta whack… He evacuates everyone and everything out of the building.

Since I didn’t have the sound turned up, I didn’t know they were going to top off the morning with a visual stroll through some old bag’s colon.

That’s right!

They had a split screen going on with a doctor and assistant (perhaps a nurse) standing over an old lady resting on a table as one visual while the other gave us a view of some sort of pink alien caverns.

The doctor was feeding a tube into the patient while wearing a small windshield over his face and that tube had a camera at the end of it. The alien caverns were the inside of that old bag’s colon!

It looked something like this...

Yeah boy! They were squirting liquids to hose down the walls of that woman’s rectum and colon! It was all pink inside and you could see the blood vessels inside the colon walls. Seeing it on the morning news was so sick and strange for me to see that I could do nothing but laugh like a nervous hyena.

But that wasn’t enough for Fox 8... Oh no!

To make my Friday morning even more surreal… Twenty minutes later the Fox 8 morning news air staff were outside in the parking lot playing round ball with ACC team mascots.

Fox 8 always seems to make the mornings interesting. I would have never envisioned a morning topped off with a colon squirt and mascot basketball.

They deserve some sort of an award. Thank you Fox 8.