Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Vinnie Vincent Invasion

I just got word last night about the cancellation of Fox’s 24. I wasn’t completely surprised and to be quite honest, I’m glad to see it go. 24 had a good run and managed to milk the fears of terrorism from Americans as well as providing some good ol’ entertainment.

The show constantly had subplots with little or nothing to do with the main plot. Those subplots were more or less used to thrust little thorns into Jack Bauer’s, the main character, side. If it’s not Bauer’s daughter Kim getting into some kind of trouble, it was someone at CTU leading a dangerous double life that lead to betraying the American people. Those little subplots became predictable and downright unnecessary.

I mean seriously, what was wrong with the main plot as a source of storytelling?

But conflict between characters has always been more or less a blueprint to keep a show popular. After all, look at soap operas. Those characters are always in conflict with one another. And have you ever noticed a television in any soap character’s home?

Perhaps that’s why they have too much time on their hands allowing them to screw around with the other characters, but I digress.

24 has given us all kinds of good entertainment. Especially to those of us that enjoy things blowing up or weapon play. Who could ever forget poor, stupid Kim Bauer running from trouble with her more than ample bosom flopping back and forth?

We had two full seasons of that boob swaying action!

And what about the lame ankle break character Tony Almaidea suffered on his way to an interrogation room?

Since the actor broke his leg, they had to write that into the show. But a trip and fall in a level hallway?


What about my theory of the right wing conservatives at Fox influencing the American public how to vote in Presidential elections?

They showed us a strong black President with some light right-wing attitudes and the public eventually followed by electing Obama. They presented an older sneaky, spineless President and the public voted against McCain.

The current 24 President is a woman and she’s my favorite. Not because she’s hot or anything like that… It’s because they are painting her up to be a little dumber than the males that preceded her. She’s constantly asking questions and therefore it gives the perception that women aren't as smart as men in the political arena.

It’s practically become a drinking game for me. Whenever Madame President asks a question, take a shot. It won’t be long before you’ll pass out and then wake up during a late night infomercial.

Just last night, Madame President asked 13 questions all within 5 minutes of screen time. Simply amazing!

Because of their influence, there’s very little chance that we’ll elect Palin or any other woman into the White House for the next three elections. But, we shall see.

We also learned some good things by watching 24… Like how to tear out someone’s stomach lining with a towel and a little water.

After asking a question without receiving and answer, yell the same query as vein-poppingly loud as you can to gain the knowledge you seek. That always works for Bauer.

The character of Kim Bauer always got on my nerves despite her two biggest assets on the show. But the character that I disliked the most was Chloe O’Brien.

She may have gotten Jack out of a lot of trouble. She may have stood by him through thick and thin, but I just couldn’t stand her bitching and complaining. I was hoping that the new leader of CTU, the guy who played “Bubba” in Forest Gump, would knock her damn head off. Chloe is always sullen and grumpy, much like a teenage girl. She just got on my nerves even without all the Goth-rock.

And what about that lame filler movie where Jack Bauer was in Africa hanging out with boys?

All in all, 24 was a good ride that took me two seasons before I got on board. It will be missed.

Feel free to give us your thoughts on 24 by using the comments.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Tina Turner 'What's Love Got To Do With It'

I must admit something… I watch a lot of television. I know that for a lot of you, it’s a complete shock. I wouldn’t say that it’s an addiction. It’s just because I like television as a medium. And as much as I love it, I never felt compelled to work in that industry. I guess that my love for music outweighed my love for the boob tube. Unless, of course, someone’s actually showing boobs on my TV.

As much as I try to watch my favorite programs as they air, I find myself relying more and more upon the DVR or watching them online. I’ve found that I prefer to watch my programs those ways because I can zip through the commercials. And when watching online, I’m only subjected to one 15 or 30 second commercial for every break.

I’ve found that a little time can be saved by watching that way. I end up saving about 15 minutes on an hour program and about 8 with the half-hour programs.

But every now and again, I’ll watch television as it airs… Like last night with Chuck and 24. I usually find something to do while the commercials play… Like lessening my bladder, respond to a text message, or throwing acorns at the neighbor’s dog.

I sometimes have nothing to do while the commercials roll and fuel my fears about lagging behind the Joneses, so I watch. Like everyone else that treads through TV land, I like the creative and funny commercials. But there’s one that I just don’t understand… It’s the latest Friskies cat food campaign.

It’s like a Prince video during the psychedelic period of the ‘Around The World In A Day’ album… And I have a few problems with it.

Who exactly are they advertising to? The cats or the cat owners?

I haven’t quite figured that one out yet. But I can easily see how cats could live in a psychedelic world like the one shown in the commercial. They’re always staring off into the distance or looking at something with that steely gaze perhaps seeing something that we just can’t comprehend. Cats can seem a little freaky, ya know?

Felines do enjoy a little catnip from time to time. And I’ve always heard that catnip is like marijuana for cats. They like to sleep a lot and stare outside at things, so it’s not beyond the realm of possibilities that cats are probably in a constant state of euphoria. Bottom line… Cats like to trip.

So maybe that’s why cats are always killing everything they can possibly get their hands on. They’re tripping like Woodstock hippies on the brown acid and see every other animal or insect as something out to hurt them. They’re just on a bad trip, man.

But the cat in the commercial doesn’t seem to be on a bad trip when turkeys surround it or when the chickens roll out the red carpet for din-din. I would say the cat is on a good trip which is something the advertisers are trying to get across with their message.

Take a look for yourself right here and draw your own conclusions.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Stephen Stills 'Just Roll Tape'

Here’s something that I wrote recently about some observations made last year… Try to enjoy.

--I rarely go to a particular retail outlet, but I had no choice back on October 6th. I had to pick up the new release from KISS, ‘Sonic Boom’. It was sold exclusively at that particular retail establishment. In my mind, getting the prize would involve a long journey through aisles filled with people that would most likely have urinals in their living rooms or the types you find at dog fights on the weekends. But it was worth it to get ‘Sonic Boom’ complete with bonus CD and DVD for twelve bucks. New and surprisingly good KISS tunes were worth being run down by someone on a motorized cart with portable breathing equipment in tow.

Since I had to visit the giant hall of human oddities complete with a Subway, I took a list with me to pick up a few things that I needed. I couldn’t see any reason to make another trip to procure other life necessities. After all, people that love that establishment are always praising the joint as the place that has everything. Not even the gum-chewing college girl with ample and visible cleavage at the drug store down the street could sway two trips out of me.

I may be slightly on the pervy side, but at least I’m rational and reasonable.

I needed to pick up another large plastic bottle of my favorite body wash… Yes, I have a pouf and I finally know how to spell it… Dial’s Full Force. It sounds manly enough to offset any pouf usage.

I like the smell of the stuff and so do the lovely ladies that I’m fortunate enough to receive hugs from every time I see them. So I started my search on the retailers Wall of China aisle of soaps and lotions. I found stuff made by Dial, but the huge retailer didn’t have the specific scent that I like.

I stood there reading and rereading all the bottles to make sure my eyes were working properly. I started moving bottles and tubes around to see if my scent was being obscured by products misplaced by someone wearing a cap with a “3” accentuated with angel wings over the bill. Alas, I came up empty.

They had a Dial scent with pheromones, but I didn’t want that. I was thinking to myself, Don’t ants use pheromones to communicate and attract?

Well, I didn’t want to attract ants or give them the wrong idea, so I went with the only other logical choice from Dial… A bottle of body wash made for hair and body.

For some reason, it seems strange to me that guys would want the same cleaning fluid they put on their privates used on their heads. After all, we are talking about two different hair types. I wouldn’t a woman that I’m getting intimate with to find my crotch smelling like Pert or VO5. Nor would I want her to find out that my hair smells like Zest. What kind of messages would that send?

I thought about visiting Ms. Boobage at the pharmacy for my usual Dial Full Force, but I just grabbed the hair and body formula and tossed it into the shopping basket with the new KISS CD, five quarts of oil, and an oil filter.

Since purchasing the body and hair formula, I have yet to use it on the hair follicles coming out of my scalp. I’m still using my Garnier fortifying shampoo. Part of me wants to experiment with it, but I just can’t seem to pull the trigger. It just seems wrong and a little lazy.

Perhaps that’s why they make that formula for men… I’ve never seen that type of product for women. So what is that saying about us guys?

--As of this posting… I have yet to use it on my hair. To be honest, I have forgotten that my body wash doubles as shampoo. But now that I won’t be seeing people on a regular basis because of reoccurring job losses, I may just give it a shot and report back here. You know, for scientific reasons.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Britney Spears 'In The Zone'

Howdy folks!

I know that it’s been a long time since I updated this hear site of mine and if you haven’t noticed, there are a few changes.

I’ve changed the title for one thing. Since I’m no longer an overnight jock these days (seriously unemployed at the moment), I’ve changed the name from Too Dangerous For Daylight to Wheeler’s Dog.

I’ve also grabbed a domain name for this here little mental masturbation and decided to turn it into a full blown website. So chances are good that you were redirected to without any problems.

I can’t really say that it wasn’t without problems on my end. Getting the domain name was easy, but trying to understand the computer geek jargon caused me a couple of sleepless nights. I was pulling out my hair and cussing like an Irish priest trying to figure that crap out. Oh sure, my site host and blogger made it all look so simple. But to me it was like trying to figure out how to perform triple by-pass surgery with a road map of Guam.

It was a very stressful week for me. I lost my part-time job at Majic 94.1 and I couldn’t grasp all that computer stuff. I had to watch lots of pornography and eat copious amounts of Food Lion’s Cheerwine sherbet just to take the edge off.

Eventually, I broke down and asked for the assistance of people that know what their doing. Jonathan Everett was cool enough to rifle the instructions and within an hour was up and running with perfect redirects.

The man is simply a miracle worker and if he bitches about helping with my every computer issue, he must be saving it all for his wife. So Jonny boy… Thank you so much! And when I go full-blown, I’ll be ringing your phone.

You’re probably wondering why I went with a domain instead of using the tried and true… Or maybe you’re not. Either way, I wanted something easy to remember and easy to find. And it’ll look good on bumper stickers, t-shirts, and eventually a full wrap on my vehicle.

Perhaps you’re wondering where I got the name Wheeler’s Dog.

It’s a reference to my all-time favorite television show, Green Acres. I’ve gone to the trouble of finding it on YouTube so you won’t waste your time Googling the hell out of it. Be sure to watch it all for the full effect and a great scene with Mr. Haney.

There’s a Wheeler’s Dog logo that Rick Talbert (RIP brother) and I designed with my foray into mix tape trading back in the 1990’s. Eventually it will replace the picture of the Ford Galaxy 500 at the top now.

If you’re curious to see the other photographs that I snapped of that Galaxy, look ‘em up on my facebook page. They’re titled “Junkers”.

I haven’t updated since last September. I just didn’t have the urge to write anything with an hour drive to work and an hour drive back. Sure it’s an excuse, but it’s a good one. Now that I seemingly have plenty of time, I will update more frequently.

Thanks for checking in and if you’re a first time visitor, by all means, start reading from the beginning. Perhaps you’ll find something entertaining.