Saturday, November 09, 2013
I often hear about how rewarding it is to be a parent. It all seems so mysterious to me. Perhaps it’s because I’m not a parent. That’s another phrase I hear a lot too.
I’m starting to realize that most people with offspring toss those phrases out an awful lot. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not me that they’re trying to convince. They’re trying to convince themselves how becoming a mother or father is the most rewarding thing they’ve ever received.
After all, they have to constantly worry about the safety and well-being of their offspring.
We all know that children and adolescents are constantly doing stupid things without realizing the consequences. That alone is enough to drive someone crazy. And even if those offspring have moved on, gotten married, and reproduced their own batch of worries their parents still worry about them. AND their grandchildren!
Why would anyone volunteer for such a lifetime endeavor?
Just thinking about it causes me to shudder.
Maybe it’s like a retirement plan. Because as I understand it most times we come into this world with our parents wiping our butts and the favor is returned when the parents are about to leave it.
Having children to me seems like an expensive gamble. Not just because it takes so much money to feed, clothe, educate, shelter, and having them participate in extracurricular activities. Once they get talking and their own personality develops there’s no telling where they’re going to go.
Rarely does anyone think that precious newborn Mary will eventually take on the name “Honey” and swing naked from a metal pole for singles and the occasional fiver. Or that little newborn Johnny runs off to Hollywood fifteen years later only to end up hooked on designer drugs and opening his rectum for well-hung studs in front of cameras.
Parents wish for doctors and lawyers, but usually end up with cubicle workers or God forbid… Politicians.
My parents actually confronted me one day and said, “You’re the only one we’re worried about having children, Eugene.”
“Huh? What? Why?” I asked.
“Well, you’re just so liberal,” they answered.
As it turned out… My father has complained that I can be too strict with my nephew who can be a wild mess.
When my nieces and nephews are in my charge I take on a diplomatic principal of the United States government… I do not negotiate with terrorists.
And that’s what children can be like. Terrorists. They demand and if those demands aren’t met they commit terrorist acts like yelling, crying, pouting, and even destroying things. They’ll leave toilet seats up. Leave dirty dishes all over the place. And sometimes plot against your life with toys and shoes left in pathways and stairs. They try as best as possible to use your emotions against you. And believe me, I’m seen some real masters of that game. I cannot tell you how many parents I’ve seen come tumbling down like France.
So yeah, it truly amazes me when people voluntarily reproduce.
I’m too selfish with my time for children. I don’t like bending my life and schedule to their wants and needs. I’m busy with MY wants and needs.
Don’t get me wrong. I love kids. There’s not a whole lot I wouldn’t do for the kids in my life right now. And thankfully, it’s not a 24/7 lifetime commitment for me.