Friday, September 19, 2014

Aerosmith 'Live Bootleg'

Do you watch any kind of morning television?

I really don’t, but when I’m at work we have a TV on all the time. We have three of them running all constantly in the Newsroom.

I’ve always wanted a wall of televisions in my home, but it seems expensive, distracting, and downright dumb to me now. But if I were a sports person or really into adult video, I can see the advantages of having multiple screens mounted to the wall.

But I digress…

I guess it’s part of the Today show... Kathie Lee and Hoda are on NBC. It seems to be at 30 Rockefeller with tourists peering into windows and standing on the streets holding signs desperate for attention. And there’s one segment of the folks gathered there that I don’t understand.

The woman that want to be “ambushed” and “made over”.

First of all, it’s not an ambush if you know the day or time women will be “made over”.

These women of not-so-attractive America descend onto the Big Apple in hopes that they’ll be made up and become “desirable”. I suppose that’s the deal. I really haven’t seen any of the men in their lives pop a woody right there on live TV yet. But I think that’s the deal.

They stand around with cute and festive signs that say anything except “I’m hideous. Please help me” or “I can no longer fire up my husband’s erection” or “Take my wife, please!”.

The first thing they do in the makeover, and here’s a hint for you ladies desiring such a thing, is cut the hair. I’ve seen no difference when it comes to length. They’re going to take at least 2 inches off. So if you’re sporting a “Dutch Boy” you may come out looking like GI Jane.

It’s the predictable thing they do. Well, besides slapping makeup on them as if they’re painting up a racecar to sear the retinas. Rouge and false eye lashes are the most noticeable tools of this makeover trade.

The other thing they do is give them a new outfit with a pair of shoes. Which, I suppose, is the nice thing to do when completing the unsightly to somewhat attractive metamorphosis.

So they “pretty up” these women and present them to the friends and family that are blindfolded for the viewing audience at home. The ugly duckling is tossed out onto the stage, the family pulls off the blindfold, and then it’s time for gasps and tears of joy. I’m still holding out for a husband that’s gotten used to his homely wife pitching a tent on live television, but it’s mainly a look that says… “Great. I must look excited. The bitch needs validation.”

The kids are often excited, but then again most kids lose their bowel stuffing when clowns appear.

The lady friends that go with them act about the same way. Knees buckle, hands go to the wide-open mouth, and their eyes make water.

THEN, as if that wasn’t entertaining enough, the newly “whored-up” woman is told to look in the mirror for the first viewing of her transformed self. And the response is always the same. There’s a look of happiness, joy, and disbelief. I like the ones so overcame with something that they start fanning themselves. I don’t even have the volume up on the television and that manages to crack me up every time.

So why do these women subject themselves to this type of thing?

I just don’t get it. I suppose it’s the “Cinderella” type of thing. Just once I’d like to see a woman start rubbing up against Al Roker while some Motley Crue song is cranked up.

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